For a year, we’ve worried about our kids’ mental health as they cope with social isolation, remote school, health anxiety. Now, a return to in-person classrooms and the resumption of some kind of normal life carries fresh concerns: How will kids actually re-acclimate? We might be excited for our kids to go back to school (and get out of the house!) — but are they ready?

The transition is especially worrisome for adolescents and teens, who are adjusting to puberty and have been grappling with normal issues relating to social development in an abnormal bubble.

“One should expect it will be an adjustment, even if parents are really excited about their kids going back. Kids are going to feel — at the very least — mixed emotions. Kids are really nervous about seeing classmates they haven’t seen in a full year; now they have acne, braces, weight gain, or are just more self-conscious,” says Chessie Shaw, a middle school counselor in Somerville.

According to new data from Boston-based Common Sense Media, nearly 4 in 10 teens and young adults report symptoms of moderate to severe depression, up 25 percent from two years ago. The CDC reports that adolescents ages 12-17 accounted for the largest proportion of children’s mental-health-related emergency visits during 2020. Suicide is the second-leading cause of death for kids ages 12 to 18.

Parents I heard from for this piece reported frustration with homework; social isolation; the sense of missing out on rites of passage like the Prom; issues around weight gain and self-image; and intense anxiety about returning to school and fitting in.

“As much as we’re hearing kids say that they want this to be over and can’t wait, we’re also hearing a lot of anxiety about what the future holds. How do we conduct daily business in a post-COVID world?” says Dr. Jonathan Jenkins, a clinical psychologist with Massachusetts General Hospital who specializes in adolescents and teens. “There’s this worry about a performative aspect. How will I perform, and how will I be perceived? But there’s also the anxiety of not knowing what [a return] will be like, what it will look like, and what it will feel like.”

Here are five things to keep in mind as we teeter on the edge of normalcy.

Grief is real and persistent. Kids are still mourning a missing year, and parents need to treat that grief as real.

“We’ve been asking youth to make a ton of accommodations and suffered losses. When we think of losses, we often think about death and something ‘serious.’ But losing Prom, losing your sports season, losing your concert season, and physical contact with friends and coaches” is just as real, Jenkins says. Don’t assume that they’ll snap out of it as soon as they go back to school.

Be open about your own anxiety or trepidation. “Teenagers don’t want to talk to their parents or tell them exactly how they’re feeling. So talk casually,” says Shaw. Instead of probing them about their feelings, work it into casual conversation: Talk about how you’ve heard that many kids are nervous about going back to school — or share how you might be feeling anxious about returning to your own daily grind. “Try to depersonalize the issue for your child,” she says.

Pre-process with your child. Lots of things could have changed over the course of the year. Social groups have morphed and shifted. Kids who once loved video games now might want to play basketball. Life won’t look the same.

Jenkins recommends “pre-processing,” which is basically the opposite of a post-event debrief. Sit down with your child and discuss their thoughts, misconceptions, or fears relating to returning to school. Ask about what they’re excited or fearful about. Talk about what their new schedule will look like: Will they return to sports? Go back to music lessons? Do they even want to? Interests can evolve over the course of a year, so check in before plunging back into your old routine.

“Offer a general roadmap for potential outcomes so they can better navigate the situation,” he says.

Lower the bar. Think about how drained you’ll be during your first full week back to work, making small talk with coworkers or sitting in traffic. Your kids will be tired, too.

“Go gradually. Think about what would be a low bar to start at and then go ten percent lower. That way, you reduce the activation energy that it takes to get started and reintroduce yourself to the habit or routine,” Jenkins says. “Kids need to be able to build the physical and emotional and social stamina and endurance to weather a full day of practice and a full day of in school. People will judge them on previous competency; how well they performed pre-pandemic. We need to wipe the scoreboard clean and start over again. Give them grace and compassion and the ability to really allow themselves to get readjusted — or else anxiety and negative self-talk will increase.”

Be attuned to warning signs. Jenkins says that teen suicide doesn’t get enough media attention, and in the rush to resume our old routines, we might overlook danger signs.

“Suicide rates were high during the pandemic because people were isolated and removed from their supports that kept them persevering. People assume because the world has reopened that those resources and foundations will now still be available and provide the same sustenance, and that might not be the case. We need to be watchful during the transition,” he says.

Be alert to any deviation in behavior — even if it’s a sudden increase in energy or euphoria, which can be misconstrued. Maintain multiple points of reference in your child’s life.

“Establish good relationships with people they love and care about: aunts, uncles, older cousins, coaches, mentors,” Jenkins says, especially since teenagers might not want to open up to parents.

If you’re worried about your child, don’t hesitate to go to your local emergency room. For longer-term help, Jenkins recommends investigating group therapy practices that have multiple clinicians and therefore more availability.

Most of all, trust your intuition. “If you feel like there’s something going on, bring [your child] to the ER or call your pediatrician. You don’t want to assume your kid’s OK when they’re not. I’d rather you assume they’re not OK and they are,” Jenkins says.

For suicide resources in Massachusetts, visit www.mass.gov/suicide-prevention-program.
A Samaritans 24-seven crisis helpline can be reached by calling or texting 877-870-4673. People experiencing a crisis can call also the Disaster Distress Helpline: 1-800-985-5990, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255, or the Crisis Text Line: Text CRISIS to 741741.

The human brain is remarkably malleable. It can be shaped very much like a ball of Play-Doh, just with a bit more time and effort.

Within the last 20 years, thanks to rapid development in the spheres of brain imaging and neuroscience, we can now say for sure that the brain is capable of re-engineering. In fact, you could say that we can facilitate these changes.

In many ways, neuroplasticity – an umbrella term describing the lasting change to the brain throughout a person’s life – is a beautiful thing.

We can change our brain for the positive, so we don’t have to feel “stuck”.  We can increase our intelligence (our “I.Q.”). And, we can learn new, life-changing skills. In some instances, a person can recover from brain damage. Finally, we can choose to become more emotionally intelligent by “unlearning” harmful behaviors, beliefs, and habits.

But, there’s another side of the coin, we can redesign our brain for the worse! Fortunately, thanks to our ability to unlearn harmful behaviors, beliefs, and habits, we can right the ship again!

BOTH GOOD AND BAD BELIEFS CHANGE THE BRAIN

Donald Hebb, an early pioneer of neuroplasticity and neuropsychology, famously said:

“Neurons that fire together, wire together.”

Dr. Michael Merzenich, now recognized as perhaps the world’s most renowned neuroscientist, built on Hebb’s work, proving the relationship between our thoughts (“neurons that fire”) and structural changes in the brain (“wire together.”)

Among Dr. Merzenich’s numerous discoveries, this one may be the most important:

“Your experiences, behaviors, thinking, habits, thought patterns, and ways of reacting to world are inseparable from how your brain wires itself.”

Negative habits change your brain for the worse. Positive practices change your brain for the better.

NEUROPLASTICITY AND ILLNESS

Alex Korb, Ph.D., and author of The Upward Spiral: Using Neuroscience to Reverse the Course of Depression, One Small Change at a Time, said this profound statement,

“In depression, there’s nothing fundamentally wrong with the brain. It’s simply that the particular tuning of neural circuits creates the tendency toward a pattern of depression. It has to do with the way the brain deals with stress, planning, habits, decision making and a dozen other things — the dynamic interaction of all those circuits. And once a pattern starts to form, it causes dozens of tiny changes throughout the brain that create a downward spiral.”

Neuroplasticity can be both the problem and the solution.

COMPLAINING AND BRAIN CHANGES

We’re going to get a bit more specific now, discussing the effects of negative behaviors – specifically, complaining – and how these behaviors alter the brain’s structure.

Power of Positivity

Lakeisha E
March 02, 2021

Depression and social anxiety are both sadly common disorders, and they’re often comorbid with each other. Their symptoms of social anxiety and depression link closely together. Unfortunately, both can make them a big handful to manage and get under control.

It can be challenging to find ways to handle these disorders’ results, but learning some management techniques will give you an excellent fighting chance at overcoming the worst of those symptoms. Here are five ways to reduce the effects of social anxiety and depression.

1.BE KIND TO YOURSELF

People often overlook the power of self-compassion. When you’re kind to yourself, you give yourself the positive thinking that can help you better manage and handle the effects of depression and social anxiety. You’ll learn to trust yourself and feel confident in yourself, even when your disorders have you feeling down. Here are some specific ways you can start being kind to yourself:

·BE YOUR BEST ADVOCATE – KNOW THE SYMPTOMS OF SOCIAL ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION

You are the person in charge of your life and fate, and it is your responsibility to collect knowledge and information regarding any disorders or that you may have. While you should have professional help, it’s also worth noting that few things are as empowering as becoming your advocate. Please read up on depression and social anxiety, learn how to manage them, talk to those you trust about it, and request accommodations from school, work, or other places that you need it from.

·CONGRATULATE YOURSELF FOR GOING ON

Life is tough when you have depression, social anxiety, and any mental illness or disorder. Yet, life goes on, and you do your best to keep up with others and put your best foot forward, even when it’s hard. You continue to survive and even learn to do well for yourself, and that’s something worth congratulating. Stop being so hard on yourself and start showing yourself the understanding and compassion you need!

·REWARD YOURSELF FOR PROGRESS

All progress is good progress. Sometimes, progress is little, or barely noticeable, or nonlinear. But all progress deserves to be celebrated, no matter how small or inconsequential it seems. Give yourself rewards for the positive changes you see at regular intervals to motivate yourself to keep going. When you see the fruits of your effects, you’ll be more inspired to manage your disorders better.

2.CHALLENGE YOURSELF

One of the expected effects of depression and social anxiety is that you may find yourself opting for the “safe” routes in life. But the “safer” you stay, the less likely you are to ever come out of your bubble and learn to manage the effects of the difficulties you face.

Challenging yourself regularly is an excellent way to improve continuously. Leaving your safe bubble and comfort zone, little by little and in small, manageable ways, will often reward you. The positive effects of such challenges will encourage you to take more risks in the future. Here are some ways to do so:

·DEVELOP AN EXPOSURE HIERARCHY

Rushing into difficult situations headfirst works for some people, but most with depression and social anxiety, that’s not the most positive way to go about things. So develop a hierarchy of what scares you the least to the most, ranking them on a scale of 0 to 10. Write down a whole list of things that affect you across multiple situations and organize them in a hierarchy. Once you understand what concerns you most, you’ll be able to prepare yourself for the emotions and impulses involved with each situation, and you’ll know how to challenge yourself and watch yourself climb the fear ladder.

·SET GOOD GOALS FOR YOURSELF

Reducing the effects of depression or social anxiety typically involves learning to manage them or overcoming certain hurdles and setbacks that neurotypical individuals may not face. Instead of holding vague goals above your head, write down and set clear, measurable, specific goals for yourself with reasonable expectations and workable deadlines. Then, take a step towards those goals every day, even if they’re small ones. Track your progress and watch yourself grow.